This blog post will be something slightly different. I have never written in a satirical way before so I might fail completely, but nonetheless, I want to try. A few posts ago I told you how Christmas magic used to feel like when I was a child, but living in London has put a whole twist on it.
The idea of a Christmas for Grinches came to me while I was waiting in line at a small M&S. Just for you to have the bigger picture, the store has 5 tills, but only one cashier working and no self service. I was the first in line, but the people in front of me have bought the entire store and even found the most talkative cashier that there is. They were laughing, scanning another product, laughing again. So while I was waiting for my turn, and it seemed it will take a while, I thought, why not be productive and I came up with this blog post idea.
By the time I “woke up” from my new blog post thoughts, and I look to see how many of us are thinking to suggest the cashier to do stand up comedy, the queue got huge. Long, angry, typical holiday London faces and the cashier was still unimpressed, talking to the people just in front of me, who bought the entire store.
Do I even need to say anything about the tube? If you are lucky and it is working, you can expect slight delays of only 20 minutes, time in which you’ll have the chance to stand in an overcrowded compartment, inhaling the odour of Christmas shoppers.
The Christmas magic and probably the Christmas lights bring a lot of tourists to London so you can imagine that the streets are empty…sometimes after 1 am. Should you find yourself in a rush…well, good luck, mate! Have you not been notified that now is the time to be jolly and to watch the Christmas lights?
Another taste of the Christmas magic, and I am not even a Grinch, we had a chance to get when sending a big parcel home, to my parents. It is not DHL or Royal Mail, but it is a delivery service that picks up your parcels from home and delivers them to Romania. I have been taking notes for the past half year every time I talk to my parents on the phone, to see what they like and what is not worth buying for them. So I thought Christmas time is perfect to send a parcel with their favourite vegetable chips, Chinese sauces, even their presents that I wrote instructions – that they should be put under the tree and not opened until Christmas day.
For them to be able to feel the Christmas magic for even longer, I have put a few of my star sequins. There is nothing special about them, except the fact that once you take them out of their own packaging, you’ll find them all over your flat/ house, in the most random places. On top of that, they have cats, so imagine the circus!
All done, Saturday night the parcel was picked up and it was supposed to arrive Tuesday evening. Tuesday, around 9 pm I get a phone call (for Romania that is 11 pm) that our parcel, together with many others, has been stolen (by Grinches )20 km before leaving the UK, from a car park with security cameras. Not even from Romania or any of the more dangerous countries that they were passing through, but from the UK.
To end it on a more cheerful note, part of me is still that child who absolutely adores Christmas and creates a whole fantasy around the holidays. But part of me is a cynical asshole who sees Christmas as a stressful period when opportunists turn into Grinches and take advantage of that child who absolutely adores Christmas. I will now go watch a few Vlogmasses of my favourite influencers because this whole post is getting too serious 😛
If this post was the first of mine that you have read, please read a more typical, optimistic one – How Christmas looked like when I was a child