I think it’s that time of the year when we need to laugh about the crazy things that happen on the tube, don’t you? I have a part one that I’ve written a few months back and another post about things you might not know about London if you don’t live here, where I dedicated a big “chapter” to this wonderful mean of transport.
My trash is your trash
I don’t come from the cleanest country and probably every Romanian who is reading this post will nod in agreement. But what I’ve seen on the tube in London, I’ve never seen anywhere. Tired working bees are saving coffee time and are having it on their commute to work. Smart move, but I still like my coffee with peace and quiet, no sugar. Problem is, all those cups are left on the tube, as if once the coffee is consumed, the cup does not exist anymore…only that it does.
I will not say anything about newspapers. I was going to but then I remembered that one day a headline caught my eye – good journalism – and I “reused” one of the newspapers that lay abandoned at every hour of the day on the tube and read it. The newspapers are easy to tolerate, but I have a horror story also. Weekends! There is probably less staff at the end of the line to clean the tube, and for sure no staff for the night tube so if you have the pleasure to travel Saturday or Sunday morning – watch your step. I am always jealous at how good business must be for McDonald’s…no need to do any palm reading or Financial times, it’s all laid out on the floor.
Eating with an audience
Can we vote for eating on the tube to be illegal? I am probably very insensitive towards everybody who literally does not have the time to eat only while on the go, but seriously! Do you really feel comfortable eating with this much audience. Nothing wakes the sleepy-heads up quicker than crisp or the smell of food.
It takes me around an hour to get home from work, so by the time I am almost home, I am incredibly hungry. So beware if we meet, if you eat on the tube, I will stare! I am so hungry and you having your baby carrots in front of me just reminds me of how hungry I am. Am I the only weirdo who is against eating on the tube? Don’t even get me started on how far from hygienic that is.
Everything for the ride
Even thought the next tube to your destination is in maximum 5 minutes, you run for your life for the tube in front of you. Why do I say you? It’s me also! I am terribly guilty of this. There is one thing that is a big no no for me though – people trying to stop the tube door from closing with their hands or feet. This might be a reminiscence from when I was dancing and my body was my mean of expression, but I would not risk my limbs for the tube. London might turn us all crazy to value time more than a limb, but hey, this is just another one of the quirks that Londoners have.
Throwback to courtesans
Now this is something that I told Paul, laughing my eyes out. By the way, it happened on a Friday night also, when, as my friend says – on the tube/train there is “a blissful mix of ready-to-party, semi-drunk teenagers and completely fucked up wasted adults”. Andie wrote this about a Saturday night in Copenhagen…in London it happens on a Friday also.
Now back to my funny story. Friday night, the tube is quite full in the sense that all seats are taken, only a few people/ sardines at the ends of each carriage. After Camden Town…most unusual and entertaining things on the tube happen after Camden Towners join the rest of us. The main character is this man that looks surprisingly sober for a Friday night, but it’s the only person who comes down to the middle of the carriage. Right in front of me to be exact. Nothings unusual so far.
I was quietly listening to one of my Podcasts, hungry as usual, excited to get home as quickly and uneventfully as possible when I took a short – a very short glance at this man and started laughing inside. You don’t show emotions on the tube – that’s one of the few rules, this is where you practice your poker face…even if you don’t play poker. This man was not more than 1.55 tall, but the handrails on the tube are quite high. For some reason the vertical ones that you can grab from a comfortable level were not good enough for him, so he grabbed the horizontal, taller ones, with both hands, Jesus like swinging with the irregular tube movement.
This man has offered me an unforgettable view. Not in the most pleasant way, but I did laugh my posterior off the first moment I could. As he lifted his arms to hold the tall handrails, the naughty jacket that he was wearing has also gone up just to reveal 3 cm worth of the roundest part of his body. On top of that, his belt was tied on so tight that the two cheeks were squeezed together more than the corsets in Period movies used to squeeze women’s bosoms. I did catch a few people trying hard to look away. Did I mention that this happened right in front of me? I thought it would be inappropriate – to use “under my nose” in this instance.
This is only part two of my tube series, but I am pretty sure that soon enough, I will gather more funny things that inevitably happen. London seems to have plenty of those. What about you? What is one of the funniest things that you witnessed on the tube?