This is another one of those posts that I am writing for you as much as I am writing it for myself, one from my own memory luggage. It bring me pure joy to reminisce about the times when I was dancing and I am still surprised how well the pieces have just put themselves together. It will not be one of those “The Secret” stories where you visualise it every morning and one day it happens, that’s the weird thing about my story. I visualised it once, but I worked for it as if it will happen without me forcing it to do so.
Why I stopped dancing
Starting from the end, two years ago when I moved to London, I gave up dancing. It was one of the most difficult decisions to make. My instinct knew that it was the right decision, but it took me almost two years to mention dancing and not start crying. The hardest thing for my mind to comprehend was that I invested so much time in this passion (since I was 10), that it made it hard for me to be subjective and actually acknowledge that just dancing was not enough for me.
That is the things about dreams, isn’t it? If you can not imagine yourself doing it for your entire life, than it becomes a nightmare. I mentioned this before, but for me dancing, it took so much of my time that it kept me from pursuing fashion related hobbies and having a healthy relationship. Maybe I was not organised enough to juggle all of this, maybe you are. So if you are a dancer and read this post in the hopes of finding an answer, please know that your answer might be different from mine.
My background at the time
I was at the end of my first year studying Environmental Sciences, a subject that I loved, but had no real talent towards. Looking back now, it really was something that I was able to learn, but even so, I lacked salt and pepper. Dancing on the other had, was something that made me feel alive with all my senses. If I had a natural talent for it or not, I would not be able to tell, but I know I loved it with all my heart.
I was attending ballet classes, but they were not something regular. I did ballet when I was a child of 6 and I was extremely flexible then, but now, as an adult, I was just like any other regular person. So if you are an adult and took a classical ballet class, you know that it hurts. It’s a gorgeous art, but everything hurts while you’re doing it. Needless to say that I was not very serious about it. I needed something that my body could do and that I could improve…easier, not over 5/10 years of practice.
The summer after I finished my first year of University, I was in one of the parks that has a beautiful view of the National Opera House (in Cluj). As I often did, I was thinking if it’s worth it to continue the ballet classes or not when a feeling much more powerful overtook me. I looked up at the National Opera House and I imagined myself on the stage.
My “The Secret” moment
I completely forgot about this moment until a few months later when I have not given up ballet classes yet. The fascination was too big still. I loved the delicate silhouettes and I loved that I knew how strong a ballet dancer actually has to be.
A few classes in after summer break, we have an unusual visitor. A gentleman who has just started his private dance company and is looking for dancers. Now, let me just be really, really honest and tell you how the situation was. I was the newbie, the other girls have been studying ballet for a year or two so their technique was much better than mine and were much flexible also. That was not in my advantage – I was the ugly duck amongst swans. Only thing that I did different was that I did not let the swan lake drown me.
I was never happier to be chosen for potential. That is what this gentleman saw in me, not my lacking ballet skills, but the potential that I can learn and I can perform. Which I did. Fast forwarding a couple of months later (more than 6), a lot of hard work, uni and exams, I was on that very stage that the summer before I was idolising. I had a wish, no plan whatsoever, I just continued doing what I loved and I have been lucky…and then I worked hard. That was it!
Most difficult things about dancing
Except learning so many techniques, and the fact that your body is always aching, for me the most difficult was to cope with before show anxiety. On my first show, I had a 900 people audience which was little to say – intimidating. Even after a few years, just before show I always feel I have a fever, my knees don’t listen to me, I am about to throw up, I have forgotten the choreography and the most common, I need to go to the toilet non-stop. But then the show starts and I have more important things to attend to than these imaginary problems.
Music that inspires me
If it’s not the social kind of dancing where I prefer latin dancing and songs, I like songs that don’t have lyrics, but have a changing tempo and a good variety of “moods” in one song. Also, I am blushing, but I have to admit that I prefer playing/ dancing villains so I much prefer the darker songs. Let’s just say – if I were to choose between the white swan and the black swan, I would definitely choose the later.
Will I ever pick up dancing again?
I am an optimist so my first answer is “yes”. However, I am pretty sure it has to fit in my blogging life now. I would not go back to dancing the classic way – theatres, private companies and so on. My personal fantasy is that our video skills will develop soon to the point that we’ll do our own short films where I will be dancing also.
If there are any other dancing related questions that I maybe missed – leave them in the comments below. I would be more than happy to answer them, this seems to be my favourite subject to talk about.
Happy morning kisses!