Funny TUBE stories – part 2

I think it’s that time of the year when we need to laugh about the crazy things that happen on the tube, don’t you? I have a part one that I’ve written a few months back and another post about things you might not know about London if you don’t live here, where I dedicated a big “chapter” to this wonderful mean of transport.

My trash is your trash

I don’t come from the cleanest country and probably every Romanian who is reading this post will nod in agreement. But what I’ve seen on the tube in London, I’ve never seen anywhere. Tired working bees are saving coffee time and are having it on their commute to work. Smart move, but I still like my coffee with peace and quiet, no sugar. Problem is, all those cups are left on the tube, as if once the coffee is consumed, the cup does not exist anymore…only that it does.

I will not say anything about newspapers. I was going to but then I remembered that one day a headline caught my eye – good journalism – and I “reused” one of the newspapers that lay abandoned at every hour of the day on the tube and read it. The newspapers are easy to tolerate, but I have a horror story also. Weekends! There is probably less staff at the end of the line to clean the tube, and for sure no staff for the night tube so if you have the pleasure to travel Saturday or Sunday morning – watch your step. I am always jealous at how good business must be for McDonald’s…no need to do any palm reading or Financial times, it’s all laid out on the floor.

Eating with an audience

Can we vote for eating on the tube to be illegal? I am probably very insensitive towards everybody who literally does not have the time to eat only while on the go, but seriously! Do you really feel comfortable eating with this much audience. Nothing wakes the sleepy-heads up quicker than crisp or the smell of food.

It takes me around an hour to get home from work, so by the time I am almost home, I am incredibly hungry. So beware if we meet, if you eat on the tube, I will stare! I am so hungry and you having your baby carrots in front of me just reminds me of how hungry I am. Am I the only weirdo who is against eating on the tube? Don’t even get me started on how far from hygienic that is.

Everything for the ride

Even thought the next tube to your destination is in maximum 5 minutes, you run for your life for the tube in front of you. Why do I say you? It’s me also! I am terribly guilty of this. There is one thing that is a big no no for me though – people trying to stop the tube door from closing with their hands or feet. This might be a reminiscence from when I was dancing and my body was my mean of expression, but I would not risk my limbs for the tube. London might turn us all crazy to value time more than a limb, but hey, this is just another one of the quirks that Londoners have.

Throwback to courtesans

Now this is something that I told Paul, laughing my eyes out. By the way, it happened on a Friday night also, when, as my friend says – on the tube/train there is “a blissful mix of ready-to-party, semi-drunk teenagers and completely fucked up wasted adults”. Andie wrote this about a Saturday night in Copenhagen…in London it happens on a Friday also.

Now back to my funny story. Friday night, the tube is quite full in the sense that all seats are taken, only a few people/ sardines at the ends of each carriage. After Camden Town…most unusual and entertaining things on the tube happen after Camden Towners join the rest of us. The main character is this man that looks surprisingly sober for a Friday night, but it’s the only person who comes down to the middle of the carriage. Right in front of me to be exact. Nothings unusual so far.

I was quietly listening to one of my Podcasts, hungry as usual, excited to get home as quickly and uneventfully as possible when I took a short – a very short glance at this man and started laughing inside. You don’t show emotions on the tube – that’s one of the few rules, this is where you practice your poker face…even if you don’t play poker. This man was not more than 1.55 tall, but the handrails on the tube are quite high. For some reason the vertical ones that you can grab from a comfortable level were not good enough for him, so he grabbed the horizontal, taller ones, with both hands, Jesus like swinging with the irregular tube movement.

This man has offered me an unforgettable view. Not in the most pleasant way, but I did laugh my posterior off the first moment I could. As he lifted his arms to hold the tall handrails, the naughty jacket that he was wearing has also gone up just to reveal 3 cm worth of the roundest part of his body. On top of that, his belt was tied on so tight that the two cheeks were squeezed together more than the corsets in Period movies used to squeeze women’s bosoms. I did catch a few people trying hard to look away. Did I mention that this happened right in front of me? I thought it would be inappropriate – to use “under my nose” in this instance.

This is only part two of my tube series, but I am pretty sure that soon enough, I will gather more funny things that inevitably happen. London seems to have plenty of those. What about you? What is one of the funniest things that you witnessed on the tube?

richmond park / spring outfit / nature / london / tube story / miss casual
richmond park / spring outfit / nature / london / tube story / miss casual
richmond park / spring outfit / nature / london / tube story / miss casual

Funny TUBE stories – part 1

The tube, underground or metro, however you call it, is a place full of mysteries. Even fuller of mysteries are the people that embark the said mean of transport. Why they have such a strong magnetic relationship to the door like bees to honey, when they can move down and not have someone breath down their necks is a mystery for which we might need Sherlock Holmes.

Let’s just say that I’ve spent enough time for two years on the tube, to gather a few of these funny mysteries and now I am sharing them with you. This blog post might go into the same category with the one – Things you probably don’t know about London if you never lived here, but then, I suppose the tube is the tube (or metro or underground), so you might recognize these behaviors. That, or if you come from a city small enough, like I do, that will never need a tube…well, I hope somebody does a series about this kind of travelling so we can all enjoy the experience.

Herring line or Jubilee line?

There are tubes and tubes. And then there are lines and lines and if you change them fast enough, you will notice a huge difference. I must start with: don’t use Central line during peak hours if you care for your life. Or, if you would like to empathize with a canned herring and completely rethink what concepts you had about personal space, be my guest.

Jubilee line was my favorite for the longest time. It went through some of my favorite places in London. Because I embarked it in Stratford which is the end/beginning of the line, I would always find a seat and it would be quite empty. Yes, it’s this easy for a tube line to have my heart, but all of this after I experienced herring in the can and the can in the stove that Central line is.

Switching allegiances

However, Jubilee line was dethroned when I went to visit somebody in the North of London and I had to change to a very suggestively named line – Northern Line. First feeling was as if somebody has finally turned on the lights and spaced out the seats a bit more. Ok, it is not fair that when I experienced Northern Line for the first time, it was not peak hour and I am comparing it to Jubilee on a peak hour, but the tube is not fair making us all wait for it and neither was I.

Now, I thought Northern Line is much more posh, I also knew about it that it is always on time and even better, cuts the pie that London is, right in two, so it takes you many places. And it did take me to many laughing or wondering or wtf places in my mind, every time I saw the things that I am about to describe, because all of them happened on the Northern Line.

Home, sweet (and sour) home

When you travel by tube every day, at the same time and you mostly fight all the same faces for that free seat, it all starts to feel like home. Your home is taking you to work and judging by all the blank/poker faces on the tube, it’s more like your home is force-taking you to work.

Most people will be too busy to play candy crush, some (very few) watch series…yes, the average tube ride is around 30 minutes, but for some it gets an hour long. Even fewer people read. There is only one rule: mind you business! And this rule is actually much more complex than it sounds.

If I were to translate it for you it would be: don’t look anybody in the eye, don’t lean over my seat, I will battle you for the arm rest and you will battle me for it, don’t you dare read from my newspaper if you are sitting next to me, but it’s even more annoying if you’re sitting across from me, and a few more that I will reveal later.

Manicure, anybody?…pedicure?

Going back to the people who feel like home, those are the individuals that do weird things. Doing your own makeup is already quite usual so nobody is surprised by that. I am more surprised though, that all the brushes and the products sit in the same dusty makeup bag, but maybe I am just being paranoid.

However, what left a strong impression on me was something else. It was Friday or Saturday evening when I was going home by tube. I don’t know which of these two days because the crowds’ behavior is quite similar. Most of them are cracking cans of beer open (which is illegal), are much more cheerful, are most probably going partying and are loud. All of these things go hand in hand so there is nothing new here.

I was breaking the rule of not looking at people one of these said nights and I was almost starring at the girl that was sitting across from me. She was so beautiful, with very small elegant features but then I noticed the amount of makeup, the much too dark eyebrows, the overdrawn lips and I thought to myself that she must be much more beautiful without makeup.

Right on cue, as if to annoy me even more, she takes out a glue and some acrylic nails and starts gluing them on Friday/ Saturday night on the tube. I could not believe my eyes, is she really this comfortable that she is going to do her manicure on the tube? That was not all! She was wearing a full sequin dress under her coat and sneakers, so when she started doing her nails, it became clear to the entire train/compartment that she is up to no good…well, probably good partying.

After she finished her manicure, I see her leaning down towards her feet. I was motionless, but my eyes said it all. Is it really possible that she is going to do her pedicure next? OMG, what is happening? Why isn’t anybody else reacting, is this normal?

She takes of her sneakers, puts her socks on the floor, steps on them, puts her sneakers in a bag. I was already tempted to close my eyes, I could not believe them, they must be deceiving me, right? And then she takes out a pair of heels, put them on and gets off the tube at the next station.

To be continued, with other similar stories…

OMG kisses!



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sequin blazer / zara outfit / notting hill / london / funny stories / miss casual
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